Things I've Learned About/From Being Pregnant

1. Stretch pants do indeed have a limit. They are NOT one size fits all.

2. Carpal tunnel makes you feel like a clumsy weirdo. Even more so if "clumsy weirdo" is your normal state.

3. Charlie Horses have no business creeping up on someone while they're asleep.

4. The flood gates really do open and all hell breaks loose on your emotions. Here come the waterworks.

5. I have changed one poopy diaper in my whole life and I'm terrified for the next million and five. It was just as horrid as I expected it to be.

6. People shouldn't ask why you're so out of breath. I peeled an orange and it was exhausting, ok?

7. The phrase, "anyday now" should be taken out of the English language.

8. People are incredibly generous and loving. I knew this, but it really becomes obvious during times such as these.

9. My family throws killer parties.

10. A crunchy/chewy food diet doesn't slim down your face from all the jaw exercise, it just helps it to grow bigger by the day.

Talking Animals Get Me Everytime

Lovelace BBQ and Cookout

Earlier this week Evan and I took a tour of Lovelace Women's Hospital. (It's a lovely hospital and we're so excited that D-Day is getting closer). While on this tour we were grouped with about 4 other couples and a tour guide. You can imagine that with 5 couples, there's bound to be a weird one. And this time, it wasn't us. Score one for the Ottesens! For reference in this post, we'll call our group's weird couple, "Team Weirdo".

The tour guide explained that if the husbands/partners and families were there for lunch, they usually have a grill going outside and you can come down and get some BBQ. To this, Team Weirdo's male component said, "can we bring our own food and use the grill?". While the rest of us looked at him with a look of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement (we've watched A LOT of The Big Bang Theory lately...love it), the tour guide very politely said that there were legal issues that wouldn't allow for that sort of thing.

Later on, we got to view the Family Birthing Area. [Side note -- I totally support others' decision to do it the natural way: with no drugs, and in a pool of your own filth birthing tub, but my inner back-woods-Conservative has to really struggle to refrain from the eye rolls and "tree hugging hippy" thoughts when it comes to considering it for myself. I'm just not as tough as you gals who can do it the natural way. I need the pain diffusion. Or I'm going to lose my crap.] Anyway, back to the story. While in the Family Birthing Area, the tour guide told us that we can bring whatever music, pictures, iPod, etc. that will help us, but candles aren't allowed as they present a fire hazard. The tour guide also let us know that we couldn't bring in other heating elements for the same reason. Team Weirdo male component chimed in again saying, "so we can't bring a Crock Pot then?".

I'm not sure what this fellow thought he was coming to do here at the hospital, but it sounded like he was ready for a family vacation. When I texted Lara (my BFF) about this, she brought up the excellent point that if we go to the hospital at the same time as Team Weirdo, we might be able to score some pot roast or a hot dog.

We can only hope.

Miss O. Phonia

Recently, I discovered that they've come up with a name for my disorder. Thank goodness, if there's one thing I hate, it's for my disorders to go unlabeled. The name is "misophonia" and it's defined as follows:

Misophonia – literally the hatred of sound -can be defined as a hypersensitivity to background sounds or visual stimuli that are generally ignored by other people. More importantly than the individuals inability to block out the offending stimuli or “trigger” is the acute negative emotional response experienced as a direct result of being in contact with a trigger.


There you have it. I hate the sound of chewing. It inspires anger in my soul. Combine that with the smell of Corn Nuts (oh the horror!) and it puts me in a rage.

I was sitting in a training class for work yesterday when I figured out why I hate trainings so much. After lunch, which we were graciously provided 45 minutes to complete the chewing and swallowing of our food, one guy decided that he was too busy for lunch at lunch time and proceeded to eat his meal after lunch, in training. His lunch included a noisy wrapped bag of almonds. Oh the almonds. And when he was done crunching the almonds, he started in on his (huge) apple. I kept glaring at his plate, trying to figure out how much longer this was going to go on. Still MORE almonds! To top it all off, my hands hurt from the pregnancy induced carpal tunnel, so plugging my ears was agony. By the end of the training, as with all trainings I attend, I was about to have a meltdown and vowed to never attend another training again. Only online trainings for me.

This only bugs me when I'm not chewing too. If I'm sitting down at the dinner table having dinner myself, I don't notice the noise. I guess taste trumps hearing in the battle of the senses.

I do know that I'm not alone with this disorder. My mother and my sister have it too. I remember sitting in the kitchen when I was in elementary school. I was eating my cereal and my mom was glaring at me from across the table. "Please stop chewing so loudly," she said. And from that moment on, I knew that to eat breakfast around my mom, I would have to suck on my cereal until it became soggy in my mouth and then I can chew it up. I can only hope my children show me the same courtesy.

To sum up, save your masticating for dinner time, or just stay out of hearing distance. And if you're in a training with several other people, eat  your lunch at lunch time. Have a little class.

Things Taken for Granted

While in Italy I discovered that I take many things for granted.

1. Showers large enough to shave your legs in. (No wonder Europeans are such hair balls!)
2. Free tap water at restaurants.
3. Free sitting at restaurants.
4. Dr. Pepper
5. Full iPhone functionality at my disposal.
6. Queen size (soft) beds. Two twin beds smashed together does not equal a king.
7. Not being on an airplane.
8. Text messaging.
9. Fluffy pillows.
10. My feet.
11. Non-smokers.
12. Cereal.
13. Brownies.
14. Washing machines and dryers.
15. Acceptance of credit/debit cards pretty much everywhere.
16. Mexican food.
17. Really good desserts.
18. Non-restaurant food.
19. Roads big enough to (comfortably) fit 2 cars.
20. Flat irons and blow dryers.

Why the Sucky Packaging NARS?

Source: http://www.product-girl.com/archives/nars-holiday-2010-collection/

I LOVE NARS makeup. Love it. Everything I've ever purchased from NARS has been amazing. The color goes on exactly as it looks in the package, which is hard to find. The blush/bronzer is fantastic, and the eyeshadows are ridiculously awesome.

BUT....the packaging ALWAYS goes to crap within a month or two. Every single NARS product I've owned, or seen someone else own has been broken. Either the lid breaks off, or the eyeshadow leaks all over my makeup bag (and with dark brown eyeshadow, things can get really messy -- especially on my face), or the color tin falls out all together.

So I have to ask...What's with the sucky packaging NARS? Why would you do that to us?

Wehadababyitsaboy

Remember those commercials for a phone service, or something, where the guy calls his parents collect and the person says to the parents, "Your Son, Wehadababyitsaboy is calling, accept?". Anyway, I keep thinking of that commercial when I tell people what we're having.

We're having a boy, if you haven't heard or put that together already.

I'm a little terrified, I don't know what to do with a boy. Dresses, makeup, hair, girl talk, Barbies, tea parties, crafts, I know all of that. But sports, getting dirty, digging holes, throwing rocks, laughing at poop jokes (ok, well maybe I get that one), Legos, cars, camping, dinosaurs? Dagh! Looks like I have A LOT of learning to do.

Lucky for me, newborns don't know what they like yet, and I can definitely handle that for a while. Although I gave my niece a bath last night (she's 16 months old) and I was so scared I was going to drop her head in the water, or get soap in her eyes, or have her slippery self drop out of my arms, I think I just might have a heart attack bathing a newborn. Let's hope I can learn quickly.

I'm totally terrified that I have to give birth to a child and then have the responsibility of making them into a decent human being. I didn't' have to get a permit for this or anything! But, I'm so excited to see my little guy's face and hold him in my arms. Half me, half Evan. Can't wait to meet you little guy.